☘ 062; [video]
Hey. You.
[Leaning his head on one hand with a bored look on his face, Lancer pointed lazily at the Pokegear's camera with the other.]
Yeah, you. If you're listening to this, I wanna hear about what kinda legends and stories your world has. I'm bored out of my damn mind and could use somethin' interesting to talk about.
[Leaning his head on one hand with a bored look on his face, Lancer pointed lazily at the Pokegear's camera with the other.]
Yeah, you. If you're listening to this, I wanna hear about what kinda legends and stories your world has. I'm bored out of my damn mind and could use somethin' interesting to talk about.
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So up pops the thirteenth kid and he needs a godfather for him, so he picks up the kid and goes out onto the street looking because I dunno, apparently that's what you do when you're the lead guy in a story like this.
So wouldn't you know it, there's God on the road, because that makes sense, and He offers to be this kid's godfather, but the kid's dad goes, "Not a chance, You give to the rich and let the poor starve, so I don't want You as this kid's godfather".
Bet you can't see where this is going.
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[Lancer...]
So what's this one say?
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But the dad shoots the devil down too, even though the guy's promising this kid a pretty rich deal, if you ask me. But no, apparently the devil's a bad godfather for some reason, so the dad shoos him off and keeps on walking.
Pretty soon he runs across Death. Like, actual Death, except a guy. And when the dad finds out he just met Death on the actual road walking around like he's about to ask for directions to the nearest burger joint, he doesn't shit his pants like you'd think he would — no, he hits the guy up to be his kid's godfather. Why? Because "Death is fair to everyone". Go fucking figure.
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[Priorities.]
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[...]
You know what, yeah, that's it. This shit takes place on a Tuesday, and here's our poor bastard hero stuck at home trying to get his kids hooked up with godfathers instead of getting to go to Taco Tuesday like everybody else.
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Wait, shit, nah, it'd be even better than that, wouldn't it? Congratulations, godkid, you've escaped me another year! Chuckles, back-slapping, the whole nine yards.
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[it is too early in the day for your verbal shitposting, you two]
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Sure, whatever. So then what, the kid just grows up with death literally in the family or what?
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But anyway, Death says that because he's a decent guy and he wants his kid to make it big in life, he'll help the kid become a great doctor and gives him some plant that just cures everything, apparently. But he says okay, here's how this works, when you're treating somebody, I'll show up and stand either at their head or their feet, and if I'm at their head, give 'em the plant and they'll recover, but if I'm at their feet, then they're just fucked and you have to tell everybody that no doctor in the world's gonna be able to save them.
So that's the schtick, and for a while it's great, right up until it isn't so great anymore.
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So he picks up this sick bastard's entire body and flips him around a hundred and eighty degrees, so now Death's at his head instead of his feet, and he shoves the plant in the king's mouth and wham-bang-boom, he's cured.
What the hell, right?
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Lemme guess. The king turns into a horrible tyrant and burns the kid's hometown to the ground. Somethin' stupid like that.